Many people surrounding me seem to think I am responsible for them.
My neighbor seems to think I have begun a feud with him, since we stood firm in disallowing 4-wheelers on our property. That rule has been widely known since 4-wheelers were invented. His son showed up one day unloading a 4-wheeler, and did not ask, but told my husband he was driving it across our property. My husband told him that he was not going to do that. This neighbor, his son, his wife and his mother-in-law, now seem to think they need to hold me responsible for their own actions in retaliation for this longstanding rule, and the ill feelings they now have towards me. They also are purposefully making my entire family less comfortable by disallowing us to park during winter weather at the end of our lane on what they perceive as their property, but according to the most recent 2 surveys I obtained from the county engineer's office, belongs to another neighbor who has given us explicit permission that we can park there. When the lane leading to our house was paved, my father and grandfather asked them to pave a small section at the top of our lane specifically for the purpose of parking at during the winter for those who lived at the bottom. I don't think this neighbor knows about that. I've been told that I "started this." Whatever "this" is.
My 18 y/o daughter has worked hard and made many accomplishments, but she has begun to make choices I don't agree with. I like to reward my children. I like to give them more than what I had. The privileges I have given her, that happen to cost me much money are not as easy to maintain as they used to be. Her child support is gone. The government feels that at the magical age of 18, or at the end of state-mandated education, that noncustodial parents should no longer be held responsible for financial support. Since we homeschool and her child support is her father's SSD necessitated by a course of events that would take another post to describe, her child support ended last month when she turned 18. I would continue with these privileges at a greater expense to myself without too much complaint, but for the choices being made that will be detrimental to there being an end in sight for my slave labor. Since it appears that nobody is accountable but me for her actions, I've decided to relieve some of my accounting issues until she makes some better choices.
My 18 y/o daughter is not happy. One of her friends joined a Facebook group entitled something like, "Parents are just grown-up kids with money." She herself joined a Facebook group with a bunch of teenage hedging answers that went something like, "Silent treatment: Yeah mom, okay mom, um, yeah, okay, BYE." So I must assume I'm on the receiving end of "silent treatment." And that my daughter may soon be telling me goodbye. I may be misreading that.
I planned and worked very hard to be able to have what I have. It wasn't given to me. When someone has no concept of what that took, to be able to provide them with what I have, I can give them the benefit of the doubt for young ignorance. However, when they begin to act like they are entitled to what I give them, and hold me responsible for their ill feelings that I will not give my blessing on certain things, I begin to feel taken advantage of.
Money doesn't just fall out of the sky. I'd say it doesn't grow on trees, if I didn't recall hearing that too many times myself. I was looking for some group on Facebook to join that was equally derogatory towards teenagers, and found VAST ill-willed cache of just more nasty teenager groups. The majority said stuff like, "Parents think they understand teenagers but they don't." Oh yeah? I'm laughing out loud. Parents have been teenagers. When teenagers try their hand at parenting, I'll be more inclined to consider the idea that I don't understand.
The best I could find was, "Support Group for Parents of Hormonal Teens." I came a fingertap's length from joining, but I stopped myself. I love my daughter, and I really don't want to insult her, although it is tempting. As with my neighbor, I'm going to stick to my guns. My actions are not vindictive; they are based on stewardship and concern for what is best in the long haul. If someone else is inconvenienced, I am sorry, but it was not to intentionally hurt or insult them - it is for the protection of what is good and right. Ethically I cannot condone certain paths that I have seen time after time change lives for the worse for so many people. I do understand, all too well. My resolve might not be so strong if I didn't have to tighten my belt so hard. But I just cannot carry myself and all that baggage across the deep river. If she wants to make choices that are going to cost me more money, she is going to have to shoulder the bill.
What others do about my choices is on their own conscience, and the consequences of those actions is on them, NOT me. I am entirely willing to give and to provide; to love and to support, but my back is only so strong. When it begins to ache from the weight, I am not taking on more.
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