What Comes Down

I rarely tire of listening to rain falling. This makes me feel a little guilty when it has been raining for some time, and there is flooding. But I love to listen to the rain.

Simple pleasures have been more difficult to come by. I still take the time to make myself notice them. Several things have been sort of eating at me for a few years, and try as I might to let go of them, they bother me at times.

These things have changed the way I live my life and conduct myself. They have ruined simple pleasures that formerly I gave little thought to. They have also tainted my reputation in certain crowds, and although they are false or misleading, I have no way to redress them. There is no way things can go back to the way they were before these things happened. There is no way for me to fix the damage they've done in my extended family and extended community. I have retreated from being involved in many events I used to be involved in because of them. I used to have a little more fight, but pain after pain has me at home, excercising my feel-better muscles, and building a more solid base in other communities than those I was once so connected to.

But I see it as sort of a grounding time of my life. I am finding other simple pleasures to take the place of those ones and little by little, finding some peace. I have been re-evaluating who my friends are and what is important. Who I really am - who I know I am - hasn't been changed by the impressions of others. No honorable path is a simple one.

I have taken the time and am taking the time to let go so that I don't become vindictive or vengeful, and have attempted to send some sort of good will their way.